Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Update #1: the family saga


Amy has her Top Sheep series to keep us entertained. I just have family guts to report on. Nothing made up here.

As if a week of health hell with Family Member #1 (me) wasn't enough, DD is now sick with the flu AND an ear infection. You know it's mother's insanity love when your child vomits ON YOUR FACE and you hold her gently while she calms down until she's well enough for you to move without her vomiting again. It was the one time I wish I had my OB/GYN's face mask that she wore during DD's delivery to keep any gut splatters off of her face. Did your OB have one, you know, the kind that's made of clear plastic and looks like an upside down lampshade on her head, tight around the neck and open at the top? DH and I laughed like hell when she wore it, but now we are searching all over hell and back for one. Or two, as we don't want to share with each other.

All of this came about, of course, on Monday, President's Day, when most places were closed. Luckily the doctor's office was open, and they took us at FIVE PM (thank you, Goddess, you do have some compassion). We're stocked up on meds (and now protective body armour).

Prior to being showered in vomit, here's how we spent our weekend. It's not nearly as entertaining an account as Coach Susan's, but it may offer some equally good ideas.

1. Watch Pixar's Cars 4 times in one day. It's 2 hours long, that's about 8 hours of quality time during which DD learns all about auto racing, talking cars, and complex conversations. Strangely, our DD cried through half the film the first few times she watched it. She thought it was so sad (she's a sensitive little girl, obviously not from my genes) for some reason, and in the end insisted we pull up "Mater's" picture to read him a story (or three or four) with her. Finally DH had to draw a picture of said Mater, "He's my friend, Mommy," for DD to put next to her bed with her. I tell you, it does a mother's heart good to see her daughter creating complex, loving relationships with cartoon characters who have buck teeth.

2. Cut DD's hair myself, using kitchen scissors that are more than twice her age. Do it without wetting the hair. Do it without a towel around her. Do it while she's squirming on DH's lap. Then hand her the scissors (she asked for them, after all), and calmly watch her as she proceeds to cut it herself (exclaiming while she does it, of course, that "I can do it myself!").

So then, sit her back down on the chair, grab said scissors, and chop another 4" off to even it up. Except note that you're not a hairdresser, you use your scissors to cut things like food packages and wrapping paper, and your child thinks, "Sit still" refers to the cats lounging on the floor looking at you like the idiot that you are. So instead of cutting 4", you cut about 2" on one side and about 5" from another. Then you get to try to even it up again.

I tell you, it's fun times in Chez Rae.

Unveiling some truly crapolicious photos of said cut. It's a good thing the girl has some inherent cuteness, and it's a good thing that my crappy cell phone camera takes such high quality photos. You can't detect the true horridness of this cut.

But you know what, it killed a good two hours from start to finish.

3. As Coach Susan so aptly describes, bundle DD up like the Michellin Tire Man and lug her to Palisaid's Park in NYC. This is one of those malls with a Ferris Wheel and a Merry Go Round in it, not to mention a slew of other shoppertainment venues. Thanks to Amy's suggestion of mall-trekking (DH and I abhor malls; we're weird that way), we sucked it up and went.

DD loved the Merry Go Round, and kind of got into the Ferris Wheel. When we were at the pinnacle of the FW and DD wanted to open the door to look down from our cart, I admit I thought about it for a moment. Presenting itself was yet another way to kill a few hours of the day: take child to hospital to fix her broken ___ (fill in the blank). But alas, I have a lovely DH who came to his senses and promptly stopped DD from opening the door.

To make the trip even more eventful, forget to feed DD. And then realize she has a fever probably of about 101 or 102 while finally trying to give her some food, which she refuses. DH and I, meanwhile, ordered Singapore Slings at 1:30 PM. DD got apple juice and a cheeseburger (along with a nice fiery fever).

Argue with DH about DD's sick signs. Back and forth, it can kill quite a bit of time (and block DD's screaming). Nice. Nice times. Thanks mall.

As you can see, we didn't have nearly the adventures that Coach Susan had this past weekend, but we tried. Thanks team, for all your suggestions. Keep them coming -- next weekend is only a few days away.


NeedleTart said...

Well.......I was going to wax poetic about how I always wanted a daughter and Elder Son keeps saying he's moving out soon...at least at school when they throw up we're supposed to save the "evidence" and send for the nurse. I wouldn't want to deprive you of all these bonding experiences. In later years you will wax nostalgic. "Remember when you threw up on me? Remember the time you tried to get out of the ferris wheel?" She might not but you can use it when she wants the car keys.

Amy Lane said...

Wow. I'll never suggest the mall again. So sorry, darlin'--it actually sounds like me and the cave troll at the rr museum... different gender, same metal bending scream at the end...and you know, she actually has so very much inherent cuteness that I had to look close to see the 'mommy & me' haircut...she really is precious! The good news? "Flushed Away" is out--more cute characters with bucked teeth!

Amy Lane said...

(You can watch it while she recovers... poor baby...I hate it when they're sick...)

Coach Susan said...

She is ADORABLE. You could have shaved her head or given her a Larry The Stooge cut and she'd still be gorgeous. I think you did a great job plus you reminded me of one of this weekend's activities I left off my list.

You know that amazing mom thing where your kid can puke on your face and you're sorta OK with it? I didn't get that. Think I pushed it out with the placenta. I don't remember that OB face mask thingy. Maybe mine didn't need it because I was flat on my back pushing UP. (Mad much about this? Ah-yup! Still!) When my daughter had her first puking episode I devolved into an irrational shrieking banshee. "In the bucket! IN THE BUCKET!!!" To a 2 year old. I'm so ashamed.

Rae said...

LOL Needletart, I'll remember waxing nostalgic in later years and will be sure to throw in the time I rocked DD while buck naked because she was moaning and feverish. I didn't feel she could wait 2 min for me to throw on at least a bra and panties.

And Amy, DD LOVED the mall, so we're definitely going back. Somehow, mall-craze skipped me and DH. But she liked it (despite being sick), so we're headed back. Cheap entertainment, and someone else can clean up the mess.

Coach, hopefully your DD was so young she'll never remember it. LOL.