Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Dear Mr. Boss Man

Dear Beloved Mr. Boss Man,

I am writing to let you know that I have a blog. As such, I need at least 1 hour per day to read my fellow bloggers' blogs. In addition, at least twice a week, if not 3-4 times a week, I need an extra hour to post on my own blog. I may not have much progress to report, but I need to connect with my blogging pals. Using the company camera to document my progress would also be quite a boon to my blog appeal.

The repercussions of not connecting with my blog pals is that I spend valuable meeting time mentally composing my blog posts and "talking" with my blog pals. This is time that the firm should value, time that I should be focusing on the issue at hand -- new hire training, important Q1 reports, NASDAQ performance, investment principles. But instead of absorbing, embodying, and owning the information, I'm blissfully daydreaming (and half snoozing) about my sock progress. I'm also obsessing about my guilt at not connecting. And even more important, I'm obsessing about my feeling of disconnect from my community who are so important to me.

And while we're on the topic, let me report on today's new hire training. The trainer had the enthusiasm of a Comedy Central host. She was pretty amazing, demonstrating an energy rivaled only by my 2-year-old on a sugar high. She helped keep me awake, particularly important given how deadly the content was. But, believe it or not, I am so appreciative of the content, which was so shallow, so boring, and so cursory that I was able to completely focus on a new task: knitting my second toe-up sock. Not only was I able to complete the provisional cast on, but I was able to completely finish the shaping. When I reached the train today and whipped out my knitting, I was able to join the two sides in the round and begin the sock patterning. So, Beloved Mr. Boss Man, thank you for providing training so innocuous and meaningless I could count stitches. I even didn't care about how silly and unprofessional I felt sitting there knitting through my new-hire corporate training. The content just couldn't match the interest of my sock.

So, tomorrow I would like to spend at least the first hour drinking coffee, reading my favorite blogs, and posting comments. Please don't schedule any work meetings before 10:30. This will greatly enhance my focus on work tasks, which will increase my productivity, and will free me from daydreaming incessantly during meeting.

With Much Love,
Your ever-devoted employee


Amy Lane said...

I think you should send that...really...I mean, your boss won't mind at all...

(And goooooooo work knitter!!!! When you have knit through enough meetings and asked purposefully killer and pertinent questions as you knit, you will suddenly be regarded as a genius because you can both knit and think. We won't tell anyone that thinking better is a side effect of knitting...)

(and hey, seriously, I have sock yarn for you... jagoUNDERSCOREjiAThotmailDOTcom...)

Heidi said...

I also knit during meetings occasionally.

NeedleTart said...

Fortunately, I don't have to attend meetings, but I do knit through recess. Downside: I am not allowed on any computers at school because I am a sub. What they think I'm going to do, I have no idea. Good work on the sock and nice to see you didn't have to waste the whole day.

Faith! said...

Ahh ha ha! This is hysterical. I've often thought of trying to convince my boss that pouring coffee and knitting socks makes obvious sense together, but I can't even convince myself of that fact. If only...

Netter said...

Someone once told me, like Amy says, knitting makes you a better listener by engaging the other half of your brain. I think it was Sally Melville at Stitches two years ago.

I hate meetings that are scheduled so early in the morning they prevent that first round of blog-reading. I never schedule before 9:30. Of course, I try to not have meetings after 2:30 either. (Can't miss that just in time to get to daycare before it closes bus or train.)

KnitTech said...

When I started my job, we had one week of training. I completed a pair of socks. The trainer would try and blind side me with questions, after I proved I knew the answers, he stopped. I wouldn't have paid as much attention if I couldn't have knitted.

Congrats on the provisional cast on!

You only need two hours of blog reading? I'm a good four hours, between reports. All I can say, thank heavens for slow servers!

Coach Susan said...

You can get through all your blog readings in an hour? Wow! Takes me all day. Every day. Ha ha.

Why am I laughing, I'm really not kidding about this. I'm gonna get my ar$e fired one of these days.